Some News I can’t Share Yet

I have some news.

Really bloody exciting news.

And I can't tell you what it is yet.

Which, if you know me, you'll know is quite difficult because when I'm excited about something I want to tell everyone immediately.

But this one has to stay with me for a little while longer.

What I can say is that an email landed in my inbox recently and I had to read it more than once.

Then I read it again.

And probably again.

There have been a lot of applications lately.

A lot of putting myself forward.

A lot of answering questions about who I am, what I do, what I want to create and why I think I should be given the opportunity to do it.

For someone who spent a long time making herself smaller, that's quite a strange thing to get used to.

Every application asks you, in one way or another, to say:

This is what I can do.

This is what I have to offer.

This is why I think you should choose me.

And I'm getting better at saying it.

Not because I suddenly think I'm brilliant at everything.

I'm not.

I'm still learning.

Still developing ideas.

Still figuring out self-employment.

Still occasionally staring at forms wondering what on earth they're actually asking me.

But I'm beginning to believe in the work I'm creating.

And, perhaps more importantly, I'm beginning to believe that I'm allowed to take up space in the places where that work could grow.

That's why this particular bit of news means so much.

It isn't just about an opportunity.

It's about somebody reading what I wrote, looking at what I want to create and saying, in some form:

Yes.

There's something here.

Keep going.

And I am.

There are things I've been quietly working towards that would have felt completely impossible a few years ago.

Writing.

Facilitating.

Creating spaces where other people can find their words.

Developing my own courses.

Building a business around something I genuinely care about.

And apparently filling in approximately nine million forms along the way.

Some days I feel completely confident about it.

Other days I wonder who on earth I think I am.

I suspect both versions of me are going to be coming along for the ride.

But this week, I'm allowing myself to enjoy this.

No immediately moving onto the next application.

No picking apart what I could have done better.

No convincing myself it isn't really that big a deal.

It is a big deal to me.

So, for now, that's all you're getting.

I've had some very exciting news.

I can't share it properly yet.

But when I can?

You'll definitely hear about it.

Probably very loudly.

For now, I'm just sitting with a little secret and a very big smile.

And thinking:

Bloody hell.

*Maybe all this putting myself forward is actually starting to pay off.

*