A Brain That Doesn't Switch Off

My brain doesn't switch off.

I'm beginning to think that's just something I'm going to have to accept.

At the moment there seems to be a constant stream of things running through it.

Applications.

Forms.

Funding.

Workshops.

Emails.

Ideas.

A three-year business plan.

And then there's the small matter of figuring out how the hell self-employment actually works.

I've spent a lot of time recently filling in forms and applications, and doing that as someone who is dyslexic brings its own challenges.

I know what I want to say.

That's rarely the problem.

Getting it out of my head and into the little boxes in the way they're asking for it is another matter entirely.

Then someone asks me where I see my business in three years and suddenly I'm trying to predict a future I'm still busy creating.

Writing a three-year business plan has been interesting, exciting, confusing and, at times, completely overwhelming.

I'm a writer and creative practitioner.

I'm good at ideas.

I can create a workshop from a thought that pops into my head.

I can sit around a table with a group of people and help words appear on previously empty pages.

But cash-flow forecasts, projections, expenses and the practicalities of self-employment?

That's a whole new language I'm learning.

And I'm learning it while actually doing it.

Perhaps that's why my brain has felt particularly full lately.

Which makes the timing of our first Quiet Space quite interesting.

The idea was simple.

A couple of hours where people could bring whatever they were working on and just... work.

No workshop.

No expectation to share.

No pressure to make conversation.

Just people working quietly alongside each other.

And I hadn't realised quite how much I needed it myself.

There's something very different about working quietly alongside other people rather than sitting at home alone.

You're still doing your own thing.

You're still in your own little world.

But you're not alone.

There's company without the pressure of having to interact.

And there was good energy in the room.

I used those couple of hours to go through my plan for Gathering Stories, Growing Voices, which was happening that afternoon.

Usually my brain would probably have been jumping between the session plan, an email I needed to send, something I'd remembered for an application and seventeen other things I suddenly thought were urgent.

Instead, I sat down and focused.

And it made a huge difference.

By the time the afternoon arrived, I felt prepared.

Relaxed.

There were nerves, obviously. I think a few nerves are probably a good thing when you're about to begin something new.

But when everyone was sitting around the table, some old faces and some new, it felt good.

Comfortable.

Relaxed.

Exactly how I'd hoped it would feel.

And then people wanted longer.

I'd planned the session length carefully, but when we reached the end some of the group would happily have carried on.

That's definitely something I'm going to think about for the next course.

And I suppose that's another part of all of this.

I'm learning.

Not just from business plans or application forms.

I'm learning by doing.

Run the session.

See what works.

Listen to the people in the room.

Change something next time.

Keep going.

And there is certainly plenty of keeping going at the moment.

Another busy week is coming.

I'm even having meetings on a Saturday.

But strangely, that doesn't bother me.

I'm discovering that I quite like creating a working life that doesn't fit neatly into Monday to Friday, nine till five.

I've never really been a nine-to-five person.

If a Saturday meeting works, it works.

If inspiration arrives at ten o'clock at night, I'll probably follow it.

If I need a quieter morning another day, I want to be able to take one.

There's freedom in that.

But I'm also learning that freedom doesn't mean endlessly filling every available hour.

Because this week?

I'm exhausted.

There have been early mornings doing the school run and late, late nights socialising.

Work.

Family.

Friends.

Applications.

Planning.

Facilitating.

And that brain that apparently hasn't discovered where its off switch is.

So while I'm excited about everything that's happening, I'm also very ready for half term.

A week off.

Time with my family.

A birthday to celebrate.

And hopefully a chance for my brain to quieten down a little.

Although, knowing me, I'll probably have another idea.

Maybe that's okay too.

I'm learning how to build a working life that actually fits me rather than trying to squeeze myself into somebody else's version of one.

And perhaps Quiet Space has already taught me something important about that.

Sometimes being productive isn't about doing more.

Sometimes it's about finding the right space to do what you already need to do.

Preferably with good people around you.

And a brew.